Sexy beasts like you need a little greenery, so I got you a plant. - Greeting Card

Regular price $3.95
Pressed Lettering
Envelope Included
30-day return policy

Pickup available at A.N. Deringer c/o Chive Inc

Usually ready in 24 hours


One Card Is Never Enough:

Pick a favorite, then grab a few more so you're not caught empty-handed next month.


Magnificent creatures deserve appropriate habitat. Zoos figured this out generations ago; home decor is only now catching up. The recipient of this card is, by any honest assessment, a magnificent creature — commanding, warm-blooded, impossible to ignore — and yet has been living in an enclosure with insufficient foliage. This is a welfare issue. The accompanying plant corrects it: one piece of jungle, scaled for indoor use, installed so the resident wildlife finally has scenery worthy of the presence. The beast supplies the roar. The greenery supplies the backdrop. Together they turn an apartment into an exhibit people would pay admission to visit. Consider the habitat officially upgraded, and the beast officially spoiled.

Product detail
  • Occasion/category: Love
  • Tone: Funny
  • Inside status: Blank inside
  • Paper finish: Uncoated/Matte
  • Paper weight: 110lb
  • Inclusion: White envelope
  • Printing method: Letterpress
Canada wide shipping & returns

Shipping 

  • Standard: 5–8 business days, Express 2–3 business days (at checkout)
  • Canada Wide Shipping: from coast to coast — rates at checkout
  • Packaging Ships: in outer box to protect gift box

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Returns

We accept returns within 30 days of delivery on unused hard good items in original packaging. If your piece arrives damaged, contact us within 7 days with a photo and we will replace it at no charge.

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Local pickup & delivery

Delivery: 

  • Delivered by hand across Toronto and the GTA. 
  • Next business day; same-day when you call the shop.
  • Local GTA delivery starts at $14
  • Call for a quote outside of the GTA

Pickup: Order online by 3pm and collect it the same day at:

702 Queen St. W.,
Toronto, ON M6J 1E7
437-777-5021

We are open for in-store shopping

Mon to Thurs: 12pm - 7pm
Fri to Sun: 11am - 7pm

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Finally, Cards That Know What a Monstera Is

The greeting card industry has not yet been informed that plant people exist. It knows about golfers, it knows about grandmothers, it maintains a full inventory of cards for retired admirals — but the person with forty pots, a propagation station, and a grow light with better real estate than the television? Invisible. There is no drugstore card for the day the monstera unfurls a new leaf, which is strange, because that day is celebrated harder than most weddings. We made these cards to correct the oversight. Plant people are our people — devoted, slightly unhinged, capable of grieving a fern for longer than a relationship — and they deserve stationery that speaks the language. Plant lady declarations. Monstera romance. Congratulations on the baby plant, offered with complete sincerity, because propagation is a birth announcement whether the rest of the world accepts it or not. Each card is letterpressed, foil-stamped, and blank inside, so there's room for watering instructions, a confession about the succulent you killed, or a genuine feeling smuggled in between jokes. Clip one to a cutting and it becomes a complete gift. The drugstore still hasn't noticed. Their loss, verifiably — and the monstera, for the record, has never looked better.

Round Out the Gift With These

Eat your fucking Bithday cake

A well-stocked drawer never settles for one punchline. Eat your fucking Bithday cake fills in the details this one left to the imagination.

Who would you rather trust, a politician or a vampire?

For the beast's next dinner-party debate, Who would you rather trust, a politician or a vampire? poses the only fair question.

Evening Primrose Flower Seeds

Evening primrose flower seeds suit nocturnal wildlife — the blooms open at dusk, exactly when the beast comes alive.


Pressed, Foiled, and Blank on Purpose. — Chive Greeting Cards

Chive Studio has been making things for plant people since 2004 — ceramic flowers, seed packets, pots, and now the cards to go with them — largely because we are plant people, with the windowsills and the grief to prove it. These designs are drawn and letterpressed in-house by staff who have personally apologized to a dying fern, so the jokes come from lived experience rather than market research. Foil-stamped, heavyweight, blank inside: sturdy enough to clip to a cutting, sincere enough to mean it. If the recipient names their plants, we made this card specifically for them, and we both know it.


Inside the Chive Design Studio

No wrapping skills required. We'll make the gift look like you tried harder than you did.


Frequently asked questions

Does it come with an envelope?

Yes — every card ships with a matching envelope, ready to write, seal, and send.

What size is the card?

Each card measures 4.8" tall by 3.5" wide — letterpress printed and stamped in gold or silver foil.

Is the inside blank, or is there a printed message?

Blank inside, on purpose — because you can write better than we can.

How does it ship?

Every card ships in a rigid mailer, so it arrives just as crisp as the day it was pressed.

Who designs these cards?

We do — every card is designed in-house at Chive Studio, the same way we've done it since 2004. No licensed clip art, no committee, no algorithm that thinks you'd also enjoy a golf pun. One of us thought of it, one of us pressed it, and now it's your problem.

Should I get gold or silver foil?

Whichever one you like — it's purely personal choice, and we refuse to invent a rule about it. Gold reads warmer, silver reads sharper, and the joke hits identically in both. Where a design offers both, pick the one that suits the recipient, or the one that suits you. They're not going to send it back.

What kind of paper are the cards printed on?

110 lb cardstock — the heavy stuff. Thick enough to survive the mail, the fridge door, and several years of being rediscovered in a drawer and laughed at again. Letterpress printing needs paper with some spine, and this has it.

Can you ship the card directly to the recipient?

Yes. Put their address at checkout and it goes straight to them. Just remember the inside is blank — if you want it to say something, ship it to yourself first, write the thing, and mail it like your grandmother would have. We press them; the sentiment is your department.

Gift Guide

Birth Flowers, the Gift That Actually Means Something

Skip the guessing game. A birth flower arrives already personal, tied to the month someone was born, so the thought is built in before you've even picked the ribbon.